"it" just moved
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
