One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
