Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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