As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
im calling her cock vulture from now on
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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