wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
