I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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