sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
