I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
