so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
