Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
