At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
