the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
