xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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