I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
