No awkward lesbian experiences without me
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
