Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Who died my cat blue again?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
