the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
