Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
