I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My nipple is on Facebook.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
