his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
