that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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