I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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