I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
