having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You made out with two different species that night
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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