you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
