plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
