The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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