Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
