Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize