You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
