What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
