I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
