I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
