Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
