he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Sex in the backyard? Check.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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