Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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