It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
