if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You did what with his pubic hair?
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