i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
