This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
