Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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