Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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