I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
