Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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