All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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