Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
