So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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