Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize