Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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