we have officially lost it.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
