Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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