Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
