saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
