I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We are two peas in an std pod
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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