dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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