Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize