Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
