So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
