I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
