I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
