u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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