my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
