people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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