everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
