Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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