No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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