she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
