My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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