I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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