no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize