nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
