Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
