While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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