There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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