Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
