3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
the raccoons are back...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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