She is in my trunk
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
did i walk over a car last night?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
