My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
