No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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