I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
