Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize