Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize