highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
