Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
