Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
