And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize