clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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