I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
