all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize