Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
did i walk over a car last night?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
