I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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