You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
