He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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