how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
