I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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