I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
