Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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