how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
